Know your Animals Pt 1 - The Chicken.

The Chicken, like the Goat(see “goat”) is often seen by the uninformed spectator as some form of peaceful creature, living out it’s simple existence, pecking on corn or whatever leftovers farmers throw at it to eat. Much like the Goat however, this is very wrong.

HISTORY
Chickens, much like Emus and Foxes, were invented by the ancient Aztec society, who needed something to cook in the 11 secret herbs and spices they had discovered after Colonel Sanders fell through a rip in the time space continuum, carrying with him all his Kentucky Frying secrets. Luckily for the Aztecs, they created the Chicken on their third go, giving them much to rejoice about, for if they had continued searching for the right animal to invent, they would have gone on for centuries before landing on the correct choice of chicken.

It was due to such an early invention of Chicken, that the Aztec patent office shut down, claiming that everything the could be invented, had been, which is fair enough, they had already invented a system similar to the internet, using mice in a series of aqueducts, instead of the more modern, and efficient cats in tubes we use today.
Other notable inventions of the Aztecs were, doomsday, and Indiana Jones movies, the scripts for which were uncovered by time traveller and Chicken connoisseur George Lucas.

LIFESTYLE
The Chicken mostly lives a relaxed solitary life, but it is not
common for a young bird to seek share house accommodation. This kind of
housing arrangement allows for much social activity between Chickens,
and is often referred to as a “Brothel” or “Whore House”(from the latin
whorus, meaning Chicken).
Female Chickens living in these arrangements often have an increased
menstrual cycle, ovulating daily. This causes must unrest in mixed sex
housing, causing males to lose sleep, and sanity, waking up in the
early hours of the morning to curse the sun for rising once more.

Another
option for Chicken living is homelessness, often referred to by humans
as “freerange.” These Chickens are forced to live outdoors, sometimes
within the confines of a fence, in rain, snow or heatwaves. Living off
what they can find amongst the grass, they are subject to the
conditions of wild creatures, outcast from the rest of the world.

ANATOMY
The following picture details the anatomy of the traditional Aztec Chicken, not to be confused with the modern Kentucky native “Sanders Chicken“, or the more recently discovered “Street Chicken.”

Fig. 1 Aztec Chicken.

CHICKEN FACTS

The Chinese word for Chicken is also the word for Prostitute.

The male Chicken can be identified by it’s more prominent “Back Lump” and a smaller “Facial Scrotum”

In females, eggs are developed when the prostate gland releases it’s contents into the third testicle. The growing egg then moves into the facial scrotum, and then to the egg factory where it is polished, filled and packaged up in groups of 12 in boxes made of recycled cardboard previously absorbed by the Chicken through its groin.

A male Chicken is often referred to as a Cock, due to the fact they are free of genitalia, and infact thrust their whole body up into the females groin to reproduce. Reproducing Chickens can often be identified by the males legs, from the Achilles shin down, protruding from the female.
Scientists recommend this as the best time to roast a chicken, which bodily fluids at a high, and the female pre-stuffed.